Should I totally out myself?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2007 6:59 AM GMT
    I feel like I am more than just a gay man. Apart from the fact that I get aroused by women sometimes, I am believe that there's a lot more about me than being gay. I also don't like it when people assume things about me, as soon as they learn than I am.

    So, to make life simple, I am in the closet to those who aren't close friends. I go to gay clubs, gay bars, go to gay parades, go on gay vacations and join gay sports leagues but do not go out of my way to contest gay bashers (or the misinformed) when I hear them talk.

    Is this wrong? It works well for me, but sometimes I feel like I am benefiting from other people fighting for gay rights, yet I should be doing something more.
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    Dec 15, 2007 8:42 AM GMT
    Sounds like you are as Out as you need to be. Congratulations on letting everyone you love know about your sexuality, I think that's the hardest step. I wouldn't worry about contesting gay bashers life is hard enough as it is without putting yourself in a situation which may be dangerous.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 17130

    Dec 15, 2007 8:46 AM GMT
    Well I think in the end, you need to do whats comfortable for you.

    If you were totally straight, would you be confronting people who were discriminitory in some manner to your way of life? If your personality doesn't lend itself to that sort of thing, don't knock yourself down thinking that it (lack of action) is because you are gay.

    Let me ask you this: If you were at a gay event and some rude bastard was picking on a friend, calling him names, would you stand up for him? I am of the belief we are all tested in some way at some point. Also, if it wasn't for those who took the initiative regarding some legitimate gay issues......where would we be now?
    But.. in the end, you must do what you feel is appropriate.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 15, 2007 12:29 PM GMT
    Cool...sounds like you're already pretty much out
    but you didn't say anything about your family
    that's when I came to think of myself as being out
    when my closest friends and family knew

    everyone else doesn't really matter
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    Dec 15, 2007 1:42 PM GMT
    I agree with HndsmKansan. As long as the test remains hypothetical, and there is nothing more to lose than perhaps a little pride, it's easy to walk away from a gay bashing situation. However, throw in a few variables -- the severity of the bashing, the potential for someone (especially someone you care about to get hurt), etc., and the idea of just walking away may not be as attractive.

    One last thought...advocating tolerance does not have to be a statement to the world that you are gay. Many people -- gay, straight and otherwise, are genuinely offended by gay bashing and will speak up whenever they hear/see it. I was watching a movie the other night and the following line of dialog stuck with me: "Principles aren’t worth anything unless you stand by them when its inconvenient."
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    Dec 15, 2007 3:34 PM GMT
    Not everyone has to be at the front of the parade, IMHO. Sounds to me that you are doing just fine.

    Now maybe if you were in a situation where you kept silent when YOU personally could make a difference, then perhaps you are playing it too safe.
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    Dec 15, 2007 6:54 PM GMT
    I consider myself totally out and I don't mind talking about my life as being a man that is gay to people that I know and love. Or even people that I am interested in knowing. But I don't feel like me being a gay man has to define me, so I don't really broadcast out (except maybe here).

    I think that you're just fine being the man you are who happens to be mostly attracted to men and believe that it is through us normalizing our sexual realtionships that we will gain even more acceptance. Not necessairly leading a parade in hot pink short short dancing around like a girl. (but if others want to do it, more power to them)

    Just be you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2007 8:14 PM GMT
    I think the only way to be "totally" out is to change your first name to "gay".