Outness on RJ?

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  Dec 17, 2007 5:39 PM GMT

  So I was poking around on gay.com (I know - a waste of time) and noticed that amongst the many profile categories they have, "How 'out' are you" is one of the options. Is this something people would find useful on RJ? Just curious.

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  Dec 17, 2007 6:09 PM GMT

  Jeff from RealJock here.
  
  Gigaram, great suggestion. We can easily add it if members feel they want it. I've love to see a list of levels of outness to help us craft the question. We're happy to add anything that people (politely) ask for (provided it's within reason).
  
  Hot4Skin, our "explanation": RealJock started out as a fitness community primarily and has evolved from there. We added features - such as arm size - based on user requests. In the future, we'd appreciate it if you would assume we are not acting with some sort of nasty intent, because we're not.

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  Dec 17, 2007 6:23 PM GMT

  I'd be curious as to how ones ranks themselves as out... on a scale? and does that mean how many people you tell you're gay? or how often you "hide" your sexuality? and would 1 = closet and 10 = flamer or what? just curious.

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  Dec 17, 2007 6:36 PM GMT

  It ABSOLUTELY should be an option!
  
  

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  Dec 17, 2007 6:38 PM GMT

  I don't think we need an "out" scale, just a few options. I'm not sure how best to set this up, but there's "completely out", "not out at all", and then the gray area in between, such as "out, but not to family" or "out, but not at work", etc.

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  Dec 17, 2007 6:41 PM GMT

  Thanks guys. How about these for options?
  
  Question: How Out Are You?
  
  1. Out to everyone
  2. Mostly out (out to almost everyone)
  3. Out to some people
  4. Mostly closeted (out to a few people)
  5. Closeted
  
  We can certainly go into many different levels (out at work, out to friends but not family, etc.) if people want it.
  
  Thoughts?

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  Dec 17, 2007 6:59 PM GMT

  I think you need to add: "Flaming brighter than the sun!"
  
  

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  Dec 17, 2007 7:01 PM GMT

  Ah, the Man Behind the Curtain (or one of them)! Jeff, great site here.
  
  I'm a little ambivalent about the 'Outness' thing, personally. Maybe it reminds me too much of sites like Gay.com, etc. I think I just shuddered a little bit there.
  
  What this site has, and others don't, is a thriving COMMUNITY. We get to know each other through our postings and online interaction. I'm not against the 'outness' box, but I personally enjoy getting to know somebody better through discussion and interaction than through a series of checkmarks.
  
  Just my thoughts. Keep up the good work with the site!

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  Dec 17, 2007 7:09 PM GMT

  I have seen an option elsewhere that was phrased something like:
  
  Out except for work
  
  I think that says a lot about a person

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  Dec 17, 2007 7:14 PM GMT

  I think I just had a knee-jerk reaction. What I'd hate to see end up happening is boxes for how masc/fem one is, bottom/top (I think that was here and went away, right?), and organ size. That's all. Such specs are great for a hook-up site, but I don't think that's what we're all about here, for the most part.

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  Dec 17, 2007 7:25 PM GMT

  Agreed. Certain things are more personal than others. I would like to see more information about our fitness and how we realte as a community.
  
  Outness is interesting, especially sionce so many guys want to be str8 acting or put str8 in their profile nam,e. Is that a nod against being queens or is it an identity they feel with their level of outness.
  
  I don't mind, just being a devil's advocate.

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  Dec 17, 2007 7:25 PM GMT

  I don't think saying how Out you are is the same as saying whether you're a top or bottom zdrew.
  
  I think whether you're out in life depends on lots of things.
  
  I think it's a great idea to have a section about in what context you are out (or not).
  
  Lozx

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  Dec 17, 2007 7:31 PM GMT

  i completely agree
  
  i'd hate to see this site turn into another gay.com, manhunt, men4sexnow, etc. site. there are plenty of those.
  
  as to knowing if someone is "out" completely or not, i'm not sure what the relevance is on a fitness site
  
  and being "out" or being a "flamer" are two different things. out/in or masculine/fem
  
  now do we need a button that asks mannerisms...
  
  butch?
  queen?
  in between?

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  Dec 17, 2007 7:43 PM GMT

  I think some information is best left for private conversation. Unless you're in a social situation with someone, their level of outness is irrelevant. Same goes for whether or not he is top or bottom or versatile, likes chocolate or vanilla, buckles or laces, boxers or briefs. Well, OK, boxers or briefs should be public knowledge, but none of the other stuff.

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  Dec 17, 2007 7:45 PM GMT

  I think Jeffinsf's scale is fine.
  
  Instead of breaking the scale down into even finer distinctions, a blank field would allow members to add whatever details they wanted to provide (a bit like the "other sports I like" field).

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  Dec 17, 2007 7:50 PM GMT

  I like Mike's suggestion. How about "Out", "Not Out", "Out to Some" and a little "More Info" box for those who wish to use it.
  
  McGay, I don't think outness is irrelevant. Personally, I'm not terribly interested in dealing with closeted guys, even on an Internet chat level. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against closeted guys. I've just worked hard to accept myself and get over the closet and now enjoy being open about who I am. I'm interested in meeting and conversing with other guys who are in the same place as me.

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  Dec 17, 2007 7:54 PM GMT

  I agree that many of the options we have on RJ are appropriate and specifically relevant to this as a fitness site (body stats). I'm equally glad there are plenty of other options (third leg size, mannerisms, etc.) that are NOT here. So I am worried about it starting us down the slippery slope of adding increasingly minute ways to distinguish ourselves.
  
  But, my other reason for bringing it up, aside from having JUST seen it on gay.com, was because the topic does seem to come up in various guises so often on RJ as hot4skin pointed out.
  
  I would also hazard a guess that it IS especially relevant for THIS community as it does seem to be wrapped up in notions of being a "jock," masculinity, straight-actingness, gayness/biness, etc. I don't think anyone would argue these are not topics which seem to be of considerable interest for this community.
  
  I dunno - I'm not really sure how I feel which I guess is why I threw it out to the community as whole

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  Dec 17, 2007 8:34 PM GMT

  highsierra, i didn't say it was irrelevant, only that it was irrelevant unless in some kind of social situation. In those cases, where perhaps you date someone from this site, then it's completely relevant. Personal information should be disclosed at the will of each individual. Fishing for it with checkboxes and dropdowns is silly. Anyone can lie anyway and many, many do. At the extreme, the site could ask for date and time and consistency of most recent bowel movement.

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  Dec 17, 2007 8:44 PM GMT

  McGay saidhighsierra, i didn't say it was irrelevant, only that it was irrelevant unless in some kind of social situation. In those cases, where perhaps you date someone from this site, then it's completely relevant. Personal information should be disclosed at the will of each individual. Fishing for it with checkboxes and dropdowns is silly. Anyone can lie anyway and many, many do. At the extreme, the site could ask for date and time and consistency of most recent bowel movement.

  
  
  Haha. Of course anyone can lie. And, if "outness" checkboxes are added, one can choose not to check any. I don't see the harm in offering it. If it makes someone uncomfortable, maybe they should reflect a bit upon why?

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  Dec 17, 2007 8:57 PM GMT

  Highsierrahiker, of course there's no harm in offering the option. I think the niggling concern a few of us have voiced is simply a caution against that "slippery slope" that could lead us into being one of those OTHER sites. That's all.

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  Dec 17, 2007 9:00 PM GMT

  zdrew78 saidHighsierrahiker, of course there's no harm in offering the option. I think the niggling concern a few of us have voiced is simply a caution against that "slippery slope" that could lead us into being one of those OTHER sites. That's all.

  
  
  Agreed. However, I don't think outness is really related to favorite position, organ size, etc. I agree that those things have no place here.

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  Dec 17, 2007 9:06 PM GMT

  Agreed, definitely, on both counts.

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  Dec 17, 2007 9:28 PM GMT

  I'm not sure we need that here. I think you can mostly tell from someone's profile if they are out or not (i.e. do they have just body pictures? do they have a face picture?). I don't think there's a need to explicitly state it. I agree with what some people have posted here, where it's a slippery slope. Before you know it, people will want a box that deals with how big your tool is - and I don't want this site to become one of those other sites.

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  Dec 18, 2007 1:08 AM GMT

  One of the things that I like most about RJ is that I don't look at it as a hook up site. That is why I am here.
  
  It's my feeling that if that's what guys are looking for, there are many other sites for that.

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  Dec 18, 2007 2:15 AM GMT

  i agree that jeff's suggestions are valid options. but what about instead of a one choice list, make it a multiple choice and whichever you check show up.
  
  i'm out to:
  family
  close friends
  all friends
  coworkers
  everyone
  
  the "more info" box would come in handy.

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