marriage, is it a State of being or a definition ?

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  Jan 01, 2008 6:19 PM GMT

  I and my partner of 8 years got "married" 6 months ago, ( I actually liked our relationship better before, because - it was because I wanted to not because I had to, I still want to but sometimes it feels like I have to...I know, figure that out)
  
  so what do you call your married partner, I am uncomfortable with the term " husband" and partner does not convey the proper degree of committment. In Canada they/we have all out legalized same sex marriage, and to be frank, I was really scared of the ceremony, I did not want it to become, just like a hetro wedding, you know white suit black suit thing.
  
  in fact the term "wedding" disturbs me, funny enough the lady that did the ceremony had this really beautiful vow that still makes my eyes water, anyway, so what do I call my....husband ?......NOT !
  
  
  

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  Jan 01, 2008 6:47 PM GMT

  Urbansurvivor asked:
  
  so what do you call your married partner, I am uncomfortable with the term " husband" and partner does not convey the proper degree of committment.
  
  How about "spouse"?

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  Jan 01, 2008 6:48 PM GMT

  Hey Urban, I had the exact same question after my 'partner' of (also!) 8 years and I got our civil union. The thread is here: http://www.realjock.com/topic/11997/.
  
  Oddly enough, I HAVE become a lot more used to the term 'husband.' And here's what's interesting. Some of my straight friends said it took time for THEM to get used to refering to their "wife" as such.
  
  So I think there may be some hesitation, touched on in your post, based on the fact that, shit, there's a legal document out there that says I'm stuck with this person now!
  
  Anyway, that's my 2 cents.

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  Jan 01, 2008 6:53 PM GMT

  Depends on the situation - sometimes I refer to him as my partner, sometimes my husband, sometimes my spouse..
  
  It is a weird feeling at first isn't it?
  
  

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  Jan 01, 2008 7:04 PM GMT

  In my last relationship I mainly called him "you jerk".
  
  Maybe that's why it didn't work out?

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  Jan 01, 2008 7:12 PM GMT

  Today is my 15th anniversary with my PARTNER.
  
  We have no desire to get married and I ain't interested in being anyone's husband again -- been there, done that with a female.
  
  But I think Gig is right. No matter what word you choose, it's gonna take time to get used to, since it reflects a change in your own identity.

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  Jan 01, 2008 7:14 PM GMT

  Having been married and had a 'wife' I would not ever ever ever want to go through that again.
  
  I think spouse is the appropriate term unless you've defined the role of husband and wife. (which seems kind of archaic in today's world).
  
  

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  Jan 01, 2008 7:50 PM GMT

  13 years and we've always referred to each other as partners, although the husband term has been known to creep in. We do consider ourselves married, and if it were an option in our state, we wouldn't hesitate. In our next trip to Vancouver, we may actually do a ceremony there, but that hasn't been important to us, since it doesn't confer any legal status here in Maryland.

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  Jan 01, 2008 11:10 PM GMT

  obscenewish saidToday is my 15th anniversary with my PARTNER.
  
  We have no desire to get married and I ain't interested in being anyone's husband again -- been there, done that with a female.
  
  But I think Gig is right. No matter what word you choose, it's gonna take time to get used to, since it reflects a change in your own identity.

  
  
  
  Congratulations!

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  Jan 01, 2008 11:12 PM GMT

  Congratulations, OW!
  
  I think I have a sweatshirt that I've been with for 15 years, but that's about it.

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  Jan 02, 2008 9:46 PM GMT

  Marriage is a conspiracy brought about by the government so they can make millions in tax dollars from everything bought for the ceremonys !!!
  
  Anyway away from the tin hat theories. Marriage is just like a state of mind the ceremony just brings gratification and realisation. Theres not really any benefits except for tax breaks so I see no difference between a marriage and just a LTR, the same two people are there, ideals still exist I suppose it's only gratification thats gained. Though I still think "Marriage under the eyes of god" should still be between a man and a women because thats the christian religion and it should only be done by christians. Theres other religions that arn't bias towards sex /shrug .

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  Jan 02, 2008 10:12 PM GMT

  Marriage has existed since long before Christianity, though in many cultures it was called by different names, had different "rules", etc. Therefore, the argument that its a "Christian" institution and should only be done by a man and a woman is fallacy. It was adopted and adapted by Christianity, as were many of our modern religious holidays. The theory that marriage is a government sponsored conspiracy is also fallacy, considering that... again... marriage has existed since ancient times.
  
  Marriage has become many things it originally was not... ie, a legal committment, the doorway to tax breaks, an industry that rakes in billions of dollars annually, etc. In ancient times, it was intended to be two things... 1) a public, formal declaration of love between two people who desired to spend their lives together (though in many ancient cultures, it was initially for a year and a day, at which time both partners were able to either dissolve the union or continue it), and 2) a means of property/land endowment (sometimes other forms of "wealth") from one partner (or their family) to the other (or their family). In certain cases, there was also a third purpose, which was to ensure peace between tribes/countries/kingdoms.
  
  As for what to call your partner... spouse, partner, significant other, life mate, husband... all are appropriate, but it depends on what's most comfortable to both of you.

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  Jan 03, 2008 12:50 AM GMT

  NativeDude saidIn ancient times, it was intended to be two things... 1) a public, formal declaration of love between two people......and 2) a means of property/land endowment

  
  
  Not that I'm challenging your thought, but if this is the case, has there any culture of the world in all the history of time before Christianity that give us examples of same sex marriage?
  
  

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