How to let the Hag go

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2008 5:43 AM GMT
    Alright, I understand that the 'relationships' forum may not mean this sort, but many gay men have the comfortable non-threatening female friend. Call her your friend of gay, fruit fly, fag-hag, whatever term you agree is right.

    So you've got this girl, tends to have low self esteem or a flaw that keeps her single and she wants a companion, you're single too and she knows you won't pressure her for sex (because frankly you're not interested) but you guys get along great because you're there for each other and the relationship provides social and emotional support.

    Sometimes she has dates, maybe even boyfriends. Usually as men we're fine with them, they're not competition for the friendship because her relationship ends. Maybe you even set her up on some dates to get some breathing room? Err, I mean, in the hopes that she finds a great man.

    But then you happen to find a great man of your own. And even though she loves admiring guys with you, going and checking out the boys at the clubs, asks you about your latest fling, date, or the romantic part (only) of your last hookup, even though she seems so supportive of your search for love, you know she's not happy that you've found it.

    So, besides kicking her to the curb (because you really do enjoy the friendship) what are you supposed to do with the fag hag when she doesn't accept your happy new gay relationship?

    Suggestions, advice, and experiences appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2008 5:50 AM GMT
    If she of all people can't understand that you have found a companion, then perhaps her friendship isn't what it appears. She may be living off the ideal of being with a gay man.

    We (often) bearing the more desirable characteristics of our heterosexual counterparts - like the gas emitted from the fruit that attracts "fruit flies" - attract women in. They entertain the idea of being with someone who actually gives a damn about what she is wearing (very generalized - but you get the point).

    If you want to keep your friendship in tact and not just swat her away - you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her. She needs to understand what boundaries are in your relationship with her. She needs to see that her emotional fulfillment can't (only) come from you. She needs to see that you are her good friend, not her boyfriend.