Older VS younger: gym cruising

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 20, 2007 6:55 AM GMT
    I couldn't help but notice a really attractive guy checking me out at the gym the other day and I couldn't help but wonder if that is ok. I mean I go to the gym to workout, not cruise. Don't get me wrong, I notice attractive men, but I don't cruise. Anyway my question...If an older or unattractive guy cruises at the gym, it's unwanted or gross, correct (just going with the general consensus of what I've heard)? However, is it more appropriate/wanted/acceptable, if the guy is younger or attractive? Does it matter who it is, or is creepy cruising, creepy cruising regardless of the cruiser?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 20, 2007 7:40 AM GMT
    It is what it is. Why place a value judgement on it? Surely it's better to be cruised sometimes. Isn't that how a lot of guys hook up? I reckon if it makes you uncomfortable then you should just ignore it and move on to your next exercise.

    Also, it depends on which gym you go to. If it's notoriously gay then you gonna have to expect some cruising action particularly if you have a hot body.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 20, 2007 2:33 PM GMT
    I consider it creepy if a guy is constantly hovering and staring..
    but if a guy comes over and says hello...and strikes up a conversation that's kool
    esp...if he's cute :)
  • DrStorm

    Posts: 185

    May 20, 2007 5:09 PM GMT
    ST - with your body if someone was NOT cruising you I'd be "why not?"....but I get what you're saying. I do not go to a gay gym. Actually, I go to a gym known as the "ugly" gym by other gay gym bunnies who'd rather go to a gym to be "scene" and heard.

    Anyway, so on the occasion I do get cruised by both older and/or younger guys. Sometimes I am not attracted to either and sometimes I am, but the gym is a "gym" for me and not a bar and I don't make contact. Occasionally they will and I will be polite and occasionally I've been given a business card...Most times I am in the gym with my MP3 player on and focussed on my workout and I simply ignore those in the gym who I don't care for and greet those whom I know.

    The one thing I've learned about human behavior is that people HATE to be ignored, so simply ignore those who you don't like - they will soon enough get the message. Concentrate on working that hot body of yours...


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 20, 2007 5:39 PM GMT
    I think you hit the nail on the head when you talked about whether they're attractive or not.

    It's the same way women gauge sexual harrassment in the workplace. If it makes a person uncomfortable, then it's inappropriate.

    Problem is, that's often a subjective thing. Just like physical attraction. :)

    I do the "ignore" thing, too... works wonders.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 20, 2007 7:03 PM GMT
    I'm with Dr. Storm on this. BTW Doc, I would cruise you for sure LOL.

    I get cruised by younger and older. I get checked out by a lot of women.I get hit up on line by early 20 somethings all the time. Honestly, in my early 20's, uh, had I figured things out, ahem, I would never have cruised older guys. It's just what it is. This is not exactly prolific prose I'm writing here LOL. I really don't cruise anybody at the gym and I think the only rule you have to go by is, "don't get punched in the face." Other than that, look, cruise, drool, lust, and oogle all you want, as long as you don't get hurt, and you don't care what other people are thinking about you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 21, 2007 1:14 AM GMT
    As yourself this - if it were a guy checking out a girl, or a girl checking out a guy at your gym, would you consider it inappropriate? If your answer is any different from same sex cruising, then maybe you have some soul-searching to do....

    I think all people are subject to being attracted to other people, and it's not the attraction that's sometimes an issue - it's what they do about it.

    A guy feeling up a girl at the gym isn't (to me) appropriate behavior. A guy feeling up a guy at a gym isn't, either.

    But a person letting the other person know that he/she thinks he/she is interesting isn't an inherently evil thing.

    Granted, if you're a gay guy hitting on a straight guy you better watch your step - but it's not because you're in the gym. Same thing as a straight guy hitting on a lesbian - he'll get his nuts kicked in. A hazard of modern life.

    The gym I go to is conspicuously gay - World Gym in Palm Springs . I've seen appropriate contacts being made, and I've seen inappropriate behavior - by both straight & gay men & women. It's a subjective call, of course, but there are norms of behavior for any community, and I was raised to believe that you are well to observe the norms.

    One point - I don't think it's ever in bad taste to pay someone a genuine compliment. Just don't interrupt a guy in the middle of his squats to do it - <>
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 21, 2007 11:08 AM GMT
    I was wondering, what's the difference between noticing an attractive man and cruising him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 21, 2007 11:55 AM GMT
    Crusing involves deliberate and intended communication, and that includes verbal, non-verbal, physical such as stares and grabing oneself, written as online, etc, to express sexual interest to someone. It can be subtle or explicit.

    Noticing, is just that, paying attention to someone.

    The key phrase is: intended and deliberate communication.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 21, 2007 12:39 PM GMT
    How about this?
    A guy comes up (don't know whether he is gay or straight) and tells you that you are very dedicated in your routine(when I get to gym, I know my goals for the day- I put turn on my Ipod , put my earphones on get to work) and they are looking for someone to train with or help them push to get over a hump. You take the compliment and decide to help because they seem genuine about it. They make an appointment to train with you the next day. You have a mindset of what you want to do and are kind of excited that someone wants to learn from you. It ends up being a no call or a no show. This totally ruins my workout as I am pissed to no end. This has happens more often than not(in fact it happened yesterday). I have been a trainer for many many years and you always want to think that people who seem genuine about needing help will show up to move forward with their workouts and meet their goals. Doesn't happen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 21, 2007 12:56 PM GMT
    It is my belief that all guys check each other out at the gym, altho I dont think its for cruising. There may be some attraction of coarse, but in a gym setting I think it is more to see how we all compare to each other in a physical sense....ie: if I see a guy with nice arms I will see what routine he usues for arms, legs, abs, so forth and maybe use them in my development
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 21, 2007 1:20 PM GMT
    this is always an intriguing topic because the gym is like the "gay" man's church. Gay guys go to the gym for lots of reason, some go to workout, some go to to be social, and some go to check out the local hotties. These is nothing wrong with any of it, as long as it doesn't get out of hand.
    BTW: there is no such thing a "straight" gym...every gym has their share of gay guys in them.
    my issue and my bf's issue is if the guy in lurking...that is creepy. Or if the guy just comes to gym to hang out in the steamroom to play...and he should be on a treadmill, that is just wrong.
    it is unfortunate but attractivness is always going win out. Unattractive guys are going to shunned, while the hotties are going to get attention.
    I will say this...one way to avoid any type of unwanted conversation is wear an IPOD, this tells people you are serious about your workout. And a good way to avoid conversation. If someone you don't like approaches, always be polite because you never know when the tables will turn and you will be the pursuer. We don't stay young forever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 5:52 AM GMT
    In my opinion, every expression of attention or interest - without obvious invasion of my body space or mental space - is a compliment and should be treated as such, no matter where it happens or how old (or in my case: young) the guy is. I usually acknowledge it with a friendly nod or a smile and then move on. If the guy gets obnoxious, I don't even care to ignore him. No further reaction: usually the end of the story.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 30, 2007 12:43 PM GMT
    Any compliment from a guy in the gym is well accepted.It doesn't matter if i get cruised in the gym or not i prfer a guy at the tgym cruises me saves me time going to the bar and getting online. I go to the gym to train but hey let's face it cruising happens and you just have to deal with it the best way you know how. Whats the difference if it's in a gym or online if you're not interested you're gonna keep moving.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 09, 2007 3:04 AM GMT
    I'm still kinda new to working out so I'm trying to watch other guys routines to see if they might work for me or to see if I'm doing something wrong with my workout. I do worry that the guys are getting the wrong message though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 09, 2007 2:13 PM GMT
    I've caught little gay guys snapping me on their cell phones in the locker room at 24 Hour Fitness, and gone over and threatened to take their phone away from them.

    This shit is what gives gay folks a bad name: a horrible sense of time, place / decorum. The gym is not, nor never will be, a proper place to cruise. This gym is my private time, or my job, or my mission, and I don't need some creepy fag shooting cell shots of me in the locker room, or cruising me.

    If I see someone cruising me, I'll rub it in and make especially sure they know they have no hope. Just as I don't reward pictureless, I refuse to reward that shit at the gym.

    Folks think fags are weird, and, hate to tell you many are. This general sense of a lack of appropriateness guys into the stack of why people think fags are creeps.

    Don't cruise at the gym. Don't think about cruising at the gym. Go to a bath house if you want to exist at that lower level.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 09, 2007 2:14 PM GMT
    If you're into working out, and I provide an example, no foul. I'm always happy to mentor someone, but watching for proper form is one thing. When I saw cruising you know what I mean. Cruising at the gym is always wrong.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 09, 2007 2:23 PM GMT
    If someone is REAL BAD,I'll go fetch my shades out of my gym bag. That'll usually give them the hint if I'm wearing my shades and my ipod.

    Frankly, I don't mind a few glances. It helps fuel my workout when I know someone is watching, and I'm among the top 2% nationally for fitness at my age, and compete at the national level, HOWEVER, there's a difference between watching the action from a point of being inspired and tantalized to sexual fantasy. I don't think sexual fantasy nor adoration belongs in the gym.

    I'm well known for strutting my stuff, and, have it to strut. Very often I'll have a number of viewers. The regulars are used to me and use me for inspiration. The newbies drool and, hopefully, move on their way. I know I'm elite, and while I don't hide it, I generally don't rub it in anyone's face. Bearing that in mind, I don't consider the vast majority eligible, to be honest. Because I keep focus, and discipline, is where I am today.

    No doubt, the gym is a potpourri of sexuality. It's real easy to be "bi" in a gym. And, lots of gay guys do go to the gym, as mentioned above, for a bunch of reasons. Lots of straight guys become "bi" for moments in the gym. That's all just being human. Very few are 100% one way or another.

    It is what is. As long as it doesn't interfere with my goals, or become a nuisance, I'll give it to them.

    It steps over the line when litte gays start snapping my pics on their cells, etc.
  • NicoTheGreat

    Posts: 19

    Jun 18, 2007 6:34 PM GMT
    I don't know if my input will be all that helpful, since I am apparently (as my friends tell me) missing the gene that lets me know if I am being cruised on.

    When I used to go to the gym, I would try to work out and that be it.

    There was a few times when I would look at someone and think (1) "That's a good looking fellow" (2) "I wonder what muscle he is working out with that exercise" (3) "Where do I know that guy from" or (4) Looking at someone when my friend was telling me a story about them.

    I would say that if someone is cruising on you in a gym, take it like they would be cruising on you at a bar. I would safely bet that when you are at a bar, you are not attracted to everyone that might stare at you or wink at you. What do you do then?

    To me, if someone glances at you, oh well. No harm in a quick look. If they approach you and chat with you, then you make the decision of saying hello back or simply declining the proposition with a "Thanks. That's sweet of you." and being respectful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 18, 2007 6:45 PM GMT
    Maybe I'm too focused but honestly, unless they're making a damned fool of it, I wouldn't notice. Then again, I'm a bit militaristic when I'm hitting it! LOL!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 21, 2007 2:06 AM GMT
    I have a related question on sauna etiquette/ cruising.

    I was recently at a conference at a very nice resort, complete with the gym/spa experience. After a workout and sports massage, I was relaxing in the whirlpool and got up to use the dry sauna. (In these atmospheres I don't have a problem being naked since it's sort of what they're for -- to relax, so I walked around freely nude.)

    Anyway, I was naked, lying down in the sauna, when another guy walked in. We started making small talk, just being friendly. Then he started to get hard and was fingering his cock. It was hard not to notice. I wasn't turned on at all (I did not find him attractive), but he clearly wanted to "have some fun." I didn't care about that, since we all get horny, but when is that sort of thing appropriate (if ever)?

    Since I don't go to these places a lot, is relaxing naked in a "gentleman's" area at one of these spas/resorts an invitation for sex? I like to be naked in these environments, but sex does not always have to result from nudity.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 01, 2007 5:25 PM GMT
    older vs younger,, WOW,, guys its all in the way we were put together, guys that like guys are going to look at each other. Attraction comes from with in, and its a cool compliment to be noticed!
    As for when working out, when I get into my routine I am there to work out! But like others had mentioned, if a guy strikes up a conversation its cool to. You can alwyas say, hey,, let me finish on this then we can talk somemore, or if your not it to him just say hey, I really need to get my work out in and run. Thanks!
    I am not into my self, so I would ask if he could help spot me. And or I him to acomplish what I came in the gym for, and have a cool conversation with someone that just my be paying a compliment to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2011 9:11 AM GMT
    Isnt there a thread here already similar to this? icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2011 9:23 AM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2011 10:26 AM GMT
    This is a question of basic human decency and social skills and appropriateness. If you happen to notice someone attractive at the gym and you happen to make eye contact, a smile and nod is sufficient. If the smile and nod is returned, and there is interest, then one person or both will make themselves available for a casual hello in some way, at the water fountain or whatever have you. This is commonly understood social behavior, its the way people meet and whether at the gym or elsewhere basic rules of decency and decorum should and do apply.

    I don't understand why so many gay guys don't get this. It's basic social skills. When it turns from a smile, nod and being approachable, to staring, hovering, lurking and sexual advances then you've gone from normal human social behavior to being creepy. It's not okay to lurk after someone to the point where they are uncomfortable. Again, very basic human social skills will very quickly tell you if someone is uninterested, ignoring you, or prefers not to be bothered. Once those social cues are sent, pick up on them and leave the guy alone. He's a paying member and has every right to work out in peace.

    As a previous poster said, many guys do give the rest of us a bad name. And many of them piss me off majorly. Here are a few of the things I've had to deal with at the local gym. Guys lurking in the showers/whirlpools and saunas and yet never having their overfed ass on the gym floor to earn that whirlpool session, obviously hoovering around you while clearly having no active purpose of their own. Guys propositioning other guys to join them in the shower. A significantly older guy who doesn't get the social cues that then comes up and pulls the shower curtain open and then says "oh sorry", like he didn't see the damn curtain closed and hear the water running. Guys playing with themselves in the whirlpools. Guys lurking around waiting till I'm in the shower or out of sight to proposition my workout partner and vice versa. Guys advertising on Craigslist for locker room encounters at the gym.

    Absolutely ridiculous! I actually agree with Chucky on this one, a gym is not a bathhouse, its not an adult bookstore or a gay bar. That kind of conduct has no place in the gym, and one of these days I'm gonna hang one of them on a hook and then they're gonna cry hate crime. Which probably wouldn't be too far from the truth because I loathe this kind of behavior. Lets just be clear about one thing, it's not gay behavior, it's perverted and predatory behavior of the socially retarded. And it's this despicable behavior that gives gay guys a bad name and sets the cause for equal rights back 20 years. It's gives the anti-gay crusaders ample ammunition. The long and short of it...don't be creepy; people have the right to use the gym free of unwelcome intrusions.