Having Kids

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  May 22, 2007 3:08 AM GMT

  Is anyone here a father? Does anyone here plan on having kids?
  If so would you be a single dad or raise them with your partner? How would you handle the whole "Where's mom?" question? How would you deal with their reactions to you and your lifestyle once they endure those teenage years?
  I ask only because I was wondering if anyone here already deals with these issues and whether they have any helpful advice for the future. I don't think I'll have kids for atleast 10 years but I tend to think ahead.

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  May 22, 2007 6:05 AM GMT

  yeah i plan to have kids sometime down the road, i'd either adopt or have sex with a woman.
  it'll most likely be the only time i'd have sex with a woman (a few friends have put their hands up for that role) and i'd want my son/daughter to have a mother.
  
  and the living arrangements would depend on the mother's level of involvement though ideally i either want to be living with her (we'd have separate relationships as well and she could even have another family) or have her close. either way i'd want to be the primary carer.
  to exclude women, doesn't sit well with me.
  
  it's too far ahead to think about how to deal with their issues with my lifestyle but if they've been exposed to it from birth hopefully it won't be a problem when peers are involved.
  i hope they learn and adopt some of the ideals i teach them.

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  May 22, 2007 1:32 PM GMT

  A lot of guys freaked out when I told them I want to have a kid one day (vitro treatment, of course!)

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  May 22, 2007 2:51 PM GMT

  Hi Jake:
  
  I am a father. Biological twin boys (used an egg donor and surrogate mother). 5-years old. The LOVES of my life. They are in Pre-School and proud to tell their friends & teachers that they have two Daddies (my ex and I sure custody). The school is great and works with me in regards to small issues that may pop up: like Mother's Day. My neighbors are terrific and happy we live on their block (we have the best house and the best playdates -- go figure). And the community in Princeton, NJ, is excepting and supportive of our family. The boys never ask about "mommy." They understand that God gave them a Dad and a Papa and that every family is different. I speak only the truth to them in age-appropriate terms so they can understand. I believe my children will make a difference in this worlds. They already have in so many ways.

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• RSportsguy
  
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  May 22, 2007 8:49 PM GMT

  WOW! What a great post Designguy! You state that you are lucky to have your kids, but I think they are just as lucky to have you as a parent! Good luck!

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  May 22, 2007 9:14 PM GMT

  I have a daughter. I have joint custody. She is 6 and the most lovable little thing going. I just hope the guy that comes into my life will accept her as part of his family.
  
  I don't find it tough having a child as I have a great relationship with my ex and am able to get away when I want or need too.
  
  

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  May 24, 2007 1:10 PM GMT

  I have three children - 22, 21 and 18. Although I had two of them with my ex-wife, we divorced shortly after my youngest was born.
  My partner and I (who I was with for 15 years) raised our children together. The 22 year old is his son. It was a difficult adjustment at first, trying to meld two families together while dealing with many of the issues the kids dealt with having gay fathers, but we managed to get through it unscathed. I'm happy to say they are all in college (unfortunately all at the same time, which has been a tremedous financial strain on my cash flow), they're all very well adjusted, intelligent, hard working, respectful individuals that I'm overjoyed to now call my best friends.
  
  This dual life certainly has not been without it's trials and tribulations as a result of being a gay man with kids, but they have been the joys of my life and I'm very thankful to have had the experience of being a parent.
  

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  May 24, 2007 1:51 PM GMT

  I'm still debating this. I do have a 13 month old God - Daughter and she is the light of my life. It's sometimes hard to remember life without her and I wouldn't want to go back for anything. I know my parents would love to have grandkids but I'm not ready financially to raise my own kid. It's def. something that I am open to.

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  May 25, 2007 11:05 PM GMT

  Great post...just what i was looking for. Thanks for the dads out there who shared their experiences-and congratulations to you guys.
  
  Myself-I've always wanted to have kids and if my God allows it-I believe I will have kids sometime in the next few years. I've always felt like this was me. I'm all about family and can't imagine growing old without the kids. I prefer a son just so we could do more guy things once he's age appropriate but i'll take a little princess too....lol. I've been asked by a few gay women if i was interested in having kids with them but the timing wasn't right. But time is clicking...and im almost 30...damn, how the hell did that happen???
  How it will all work out??? I'm not concerned with that. Nor would i ever let that stop me. Point is-im shooting for it. My partner of 9 years doesn't know what to think of the idea. I've mentioned it to him several times and he just says it'll be tough and then the silence. But it'll work out whether he's in on it or not, he's got his choices-I think he knows it too.
  Yes it may be tough at first but like anything in this life-if you have the desire you will achieve your objective. If your half and half...then you fall in the pool of millions and probably won't ever get there. But I don't think anyone should ever let challenges intimidate them and even worst-keep them from reaching their goals. No way in hell will society shove me to the back of the line. Its a vicious world out there but thats more reason to create momentum and follow your own desires. Let the world around you throw a tantrum-just make sure you get your piece of the pie! Thanks guys.
  AMB

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  May 27, 2007 12:21 AM GMT

  just thought of a question while reading Apex_mortgage_broker's post, more directed to guys that have had children.
  
  From your circumstances, does choosing to have a child with a straight/gay woman matter or were your kid/s from a straight relationship? I'd like to hear everyone elaborate on their stories :)

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  Jul 22, 2010 11:03 AM GMT

  My boyfriend and I are planning on being parents in some form, not found someone yet but we are looking on a site called www.prideangel.com
  we are hopeing to be equal parents with another lesbian couple. Is anyone else doing or done this before? We could do with a bit of advice

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  Jul 22, 2010 11:17 AM GMT

  adopting orphans, with a bunch of friends, and hopefully a partner, some female friends defintiely, kids need a female touch, and just raise them all together on a big farm, and have the elderly members of my family there to teach them

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  Jul 22, 2010 11:33 AM GMT

  I am the dad of 9 and 5 year old girls from a 13 year straight marriage. I did the ex-gay thing back in the day... but I digress. The children are biologically not mine, as we used a donor (I had some issues, was put on testosterone, did not up my count or motility, but gave me chest and belly hair...)
  
  The divorce got very nasty, and so I went back home. I have not seen them in 7 months and miss them terribly. Children are a lot of work but worth every second of it. I did not out myself to them, but I'm sure someone in her family must have told them as the five year old asked me one day if she was going to have two daddies now. She thought it would be the coolest thing though. The nine year old has a disability, so she is ambivalent about the whole thing.The boy/girl thing did not matter as much to me. The 9 yo is a bit of a tomboy and the 5 yo is the little princess. I had the best of both worlds in two adorable little packages. I hope to see them again soon. My soon-to-be ex uses my attempts at contacting them (not her) to lay into me, whereby she's only hurting them.

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