Feb 04, 2008 6:58 AM GMT
its always really awkward if you say no...
how do you let someone down easy?
how do you let someone down easy?
how do you reject a date?
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Feb 04, 2008 6:58 AM GMT -
Feb 04, 2008 11:39 AM GMTDepends on the situation...
sometimes I'll say I like being single
or make sure I'm not available when he is
... or if I'm really desperate I've used my friend as a decoy BF
I know...I'm going to hell -
Feb 04, 2008 4:20 PM GMTWhy do you have to lie for that? I would prefer a honest reason then a fake excuse. I usually call and tell him that he is a great guy, but it wont work between the 2 of us. -
Feb 04, 2008 4:36 PM GMTThere is no easy way. Just be honest, not MEAN but just honest.
If you think that the guy won't be able to see through lie think again.
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Feb 04, 2008 4:40 PM GMTBe honest. Say something like, "I'm just not feelin' the chemistry" or "Let's just be friends." -
Feb 04, 2008 4:41 PM GMTMy own thought is that the truth is almost never appreciated in social situations. There is such a thing as a social lie and that is perfectly permissible.
The question I have to ask myself is this. Am I telling the truth for the benefit of the person to whom I am telling the truth, or am I rather telling the truth for my own benefit?
The answer usually divides along whether or not the truth is going to be injurious and unnecessary to the other party.
An appropriate response might be, I am sorry but I am not dating right now. That is very gentle. Another might be to say, hey your a really nice guy but I don't really feel like going out on a date with you. If a guy is going to be hurt or offended by that then you have done nothing more than validate your decision. You have been honest but not brutally honest.
PEACE
Terry -
Feb 04, 2008 4:45 PM GMTI usually just stare at him and pretend like I can't hear anything he's saying.
"Huh? What? I can't hear you! What?"
After about five minutes of it, he goes away. -
Feb 04, 2008 4:50 PM GMTI usually just say I'm about to enter the Priesthood, therefore I won't be able to have sex with anyone.
Just joking!! -
Feb 04, 2008 4:50 PM GMTYou're a great guy, and really nice; but I'm really not sure we should "date". Let's continue to hang out and see where it goes. <--- best way I've ever declined a date.
Ah, thank you - I'm flattered; but, I don't think it would be a good idea. <---also a good way to decline as long as the follow up question isn't "but why?" Then I might be slightly more blunt.
Last week one (drunk) guy kept telling me how perfect I am (red flags!!!) and how much he loves to spend time with "guys like me" (yuck). Finally I had to bluntly say, "Randy, we are never going to have sex, OK?" Finally he got the message! -
Feb 04, 2008 4:53 PM GMTtommysguns2000 saidI usually just stare at him and pretend like I can't hear anything he's saying.
"Huh? What? I can't hear you! What?"
After about five minutes of it, he goes away.
Yeah, thats definitely a way to avoid pissing somebody off.
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Feb 04, 2008 4:57 PM GMTursamajor saidMy own thought is that the truth is almost never appreciated in social situations. There is such a thing as a social lie and that is perfectly permissible.
The question I have to ask myself is this. Am I telling the truth for the benefit of the person to whom I am telling the truth, or am I rather telling the truth for my own benefit?
Wow, Terry, it's good to hear someone else say this. I'm soooooo tired of guys who preen about their pure souls and how even the slightest untruth would mar them forever.
What crap. It's vanity and narcissism. Showing class means considering how others are going to feel, and not necessarily putting your oh-so-special self first.
So, a good response to someone who persists in asking for a date would be, "I'm sorry, this is not a good time for me to be dating just now."
The "just now" part gets you off the hook, because if ten minutes later someone you DO want to date asks you out, you can honestly say that "just now" was soooooo ten minutes ago.
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Feb 04, 2008 4:58 PM GMTIt really does depends on the situation.
If it's someone that I do not know then it's a pure and simple "thanks but no thanks". Now if it's a friend or someone that I know socially, I have a rule of not dating friends or men that I hang out with.
Above all I do not make up excuses or lie or avoid the person that's just humiliating.
I rather that you are honest yes my feeling be hurt, but it would be a lost worse if you lie and then the truth comes out.
What's hidden always gets revealed!
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Feb 04, 2008 5:15 PM GMTI just tell people that I don't feel the chemistry.
I think that doesn't make people feel like they should keep trying at another point ("not dating right now" will get you that...) and it doesn't make them feel personally bad or unappealing. Everyone understands a lack of chemistry... Rejection is rough...I try to do it as nicely as possible.
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Feb 04, 2008 5:22 PM GMTSay no, you would want someone to be honest with you, right? -
Feb 04, 2008 5:25 PM GMTEasy just say no ok! -
Feb 04, 2008 6:15 PM GMT"We've decided not to move forward with your application but we will keep it on file in case there are any openings in the future." -
Feb 04, 2008 6:26 PM GMTTell him you're into blood sports and that if he provides the hooks, you'll bring the razor blades, and the safety word is "arugula". If that doesn't scare him off, then good luck. -
Feb 04, 2008 6:28 PM GMTJust give him a horrorifed look and gasp "AS IF!" -
Feb 04, 2008 6:52 PM GMTYou should say: "Sorry, I'm not attracted to you."
Don't lie or say "sorry you're not my type". This just means he can come back with "well, what is your type?" which then opens a dialogue which you don't want.
Don't say things like "sorry I'm not dating now". This is a coward's way out and actually, what that sounds like is "well, I'll consider you at some point in the future" which is even worse as you are putting him off for some point in time and keeping him hanging on.
If you're honest and say you're not attracted to someone it brooks no argument. He can't come back with anything to that statement. It never fails nor insults or hurts which is what you want. -
Feb 04, 2008 6:58 PM GMTFeign heterosexuality. -
Feb 04, 2008 7:01 PM GMTEasy, make yourself unappealing.
I'm looking at you and that might be hard.
What I do is start itching myself and when they ask what's wrong I tell them I have a rare skin infection that the doctor's don't know what it is yet, but are sure it is contagious!
LOL, or just act all bitchy, that always turns the men off. My favorite act is the "butch, I wanna kick everyone's ass act." Queer men hate that!
Or referring to everyone else as queer accept yourself, that's hella irritating too as i'm sure you'd agree. LOL
Being unattractive helps too, so don't spend the usual hour and a half getting ready if you know the object of your disdain will be where you are going.
Wow, this sounds harsh. I guess you could just tell them you just want to be friends and get it over with.
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Feb 04, 2008 7:05 PM GMT...or pick your nose...or your ass...pluck the hair out of your ears ....or nose -
Feb 08, 2008 2:09 AM GMTJust be honest. I've had guys lie to me. I hate it. I can accept that I'm not some guys type. Certain guys are MY type and some aren't. I think there is a mindset by some guys who get rejected that something is wrong with them. I've met some guys who are mean about it, either to me or they have told me stories of how they do it, and the funny part is, at some point they'll be on the recieving end of that and it will probably devestate them.
When I go on dates now, I don't expect anything. I don't expect the guy to like me or not. I just have a nice time and it works out great for me. -
Feb 08, 2008 2:48 AM GMTA: Quickly and without ambiguity.
I think that the easier you try and make the other person feel the more difficult the situation becomes. -
Feb 08, 2008 2:58 AM GMTThere is no real easy way to let someone down without them taking some sort of offense to it and feeling rejected to some degree. The best way is to just be honest and respectful about how you go about it. A simple "I'm not interested" or something along those line is all you really need. There are always more fish in the sea.
Do not go the route of telling someone a lie or coming up with some outrageous excuse or using your friends as a fake BF. That's something along the lines of what someone in highschool does and it shows how immature and "unmanly" the person is. If someone did something like that to me I would probably thank them because they just saved me the trouble of dealing with a person who can't be honest enough to say he's not interested.
